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It felt like the waves were fighting over me； jerking me back and forth
between them as if determined to
share by pulling me into halves。 I knew the right way to avoid a riptide： swim
parallel to the beach rather
than struggling for the shore。 But the knowledge did me little good when I
didn't know which way the
shore was。
I couldn't even tell which way the surface was。
The angry water was black in every direction； there was no brightness to
direct me upward。 Gravity was
all…powerful when it peted with the air； but it had nothing on the waves—I
couldn't feel a downward
pull； a sinking in any direction。 Just the battering of the current that flung
me round and round like a rag
doll。
I fought to keep my breath in； to keep my lips locked around my last store of
oxygen。
It didn't surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there。 He owed me that
much； considering that I
was dying。 I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was。 I was going to
drown。 I was drowning。
〃Keep swimming！〃 Edward begged urgently in my head。
Where？ There was nothing but the darkness。 There was no place to swim to。
〃Stop that！〃 he ordered。 〃Don't you dare give up！〃
The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs。 I didn't feel the
buffeting so much as before。 It was
more of just a dizziness now； a helpless spinning in the water。
But I listened to him。 I forced my arms to continue reaching； my legs to kick
harder； though every second
I was facing a new direction。 It couldn't be doing any good。 What was the
point？
〃Fight！〃 he yelled。 〃Damn it； Bella； keep fighting。〃
Why？
I didn't want to fight anymore。 And it wasn't the light…headedness； or the
cold； or the failure of my arms
as the muscles gave out in exhaustion； that made me content to stay where I
was。 I was almost happy
that it was over。 This was an easier death than others I'd faced。 Oddly
peaceful。
I thought briefly of the clichés； about how you were suppose to see your life
flash before your eyes。 I was
so much luckier。 Who wanted to see a rerun； anyway？
I saw him； and I had no will to fight。 It was so clear； so much more defined
than any memory。 My
subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail； saving him for this
final moment。 I could see his
perfect face as if he were really there； the exact shade of his icy skin； the
shape of his lips； the line of his
jaw； the gold glinting in his furious eyes。 He was angry； naturally； that I
was giving up。 His teeth were
clenched and his nostrils flared with rage。
〃No！ Bella； no！〃
My ears were flooded with the freezing water； but his voice was clearer than
ever。 I ignored his words
and concentrated on the sound of his voice。 Why would I fight when I was so
happy where I was？ Even
as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold； I was
content。 I'd forgotten what
real happiness felt like。
Happiness。 It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable。
The current won at that moment； shoving me abruptly against something hard； a
rock invisible in the
gloom。 It hit me solidly across the chest； slamming into me like an iron bar；
and the breath whooshed out
of my lungs； escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles。 Water flooded down
my throat； choking and
burning。 The iron bar seemed to be dragging me； pulling me away from Edward；
deeper into the dark； to
the ocean floor。
Goodbye； I love you； was my last thought。
16。 PARIS
AT THAT MOMENT； MY HEAD BROKE THE SURFACE。
How disorienting。 I'd been sure I was sinking。
The current wouldn't let up。 It was slamming me against more rocks； they beat
against the center of my
back sharply； rhythmically； pushing the water from my lungs。 It gushed out in
amazing volume； absolute
torrents pouring from my mouth and nose。 The salt burned and my lungs burned
and my throat was too
full of water to catch a breath and the rocks were hurting my back。 Somehow I
stayed in one place；
though the waves still heaved around me。 I couldn't see anything but water
everywhere； reaching for my
face。
〃Breathe！〃 a voice； wild with anxiety； ordered； and I felt a cruel stab of
pain wher I recognized the
voice—because it wasn't Edward's。
I could not obey。 The waterfall pouring from my mouth didn't stop long enough
for me to catch a breath。
The black； icy water filled my chest； burning。
The rock smacked into my back again； right between my shoulder blades； and
another volley of water
choked its way out of my lungs。
〃Breathe； Bella！ C'mon！〃 Jacob begged。
Black spots bloomed across my vision； getting wider and wider； blocking out
the light。
The rock struck me again。
The rock wasn't cold like the water； it was hot on my skin。 I realized it was
Jacob's hand； trying to beat
the water from my lungs。 The iron bar that had dragged me from the sea was
also warm My head
whirled； the black spots covered everything
Was I dying again； then？ I didn't like it—this wasn't as good as the last
time。 It was only dark now；
nothing worth looking at here。 The sound of the crashing waves faded into the
black and became a quiet；
even whoosh that sounded like it was ing from the inside of my ears
〃Bella？〃 Jacob asked； his voice still tense； but not as wild as before。
〃Bells； honey； can you hear me？〃
The contents of my head swished and rolled sickeningly； like they'd joined the
rough water
〃How long has she been unconscious？〃 someone else asked。
The voice that was not Jacob's shocked me； jarred me into a more focused
awareness。
I realized that I was still。 There was no tug of the current on me—the
heaving was inside my head。 The
surface under me was flat and motionless。 It felt grainy against my bare arms。
〃I don't know；〃 Jacob reported； still frantic。 His voice was very close。 Hands
—so warm they had to be
his—brushed wet hair from my cheeks。 〃A few minutes？ It didn't take long to
tow her to the beach。〃
The quiet whooshing inside my ears was not the waves—it was the air moving in
and out of my lungs
again。 Each breath burned—the passageways were as raw as if I'd scrubbed them
out with steel wool。
But I was b