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the。。。 Cullens〃—wince—〃of。
They left more than half a year ago。 How can you blame them for what Sam is
doing now？〃
〃Sam isn't doing anything； Bella。 And I know they're gone。 But sometimes
things are set in motion； and
then it's too late。〃
〃What's set in motion？ What's too late？ What are you blaming them for？〃
He was suddenly right in my face； his fury glowing in his eyes。 〃For
existing；〃 he hissed。
I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voice
again； when I wasn't even
scared。
〃Quiet now； Bella。 Don't push him；〃 Edward cautioned in my ear。
Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it
behind； I'd been unable to
lock it up again。 It didn't hurt now—not during the precious seconds when I
could hear his voice。
Jacob was fuming in front of me； quivering with anger。
I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind。 Jacob
was livid； but he was
Jacob。 There was no adrenaline； no danger。
〃Give him a chance to calm down；〃 Edward's voice insisted。
I shook my head in confusion。 〃You're being ridiculous；〃 I told them both。
〃Fine；〃 Jacob answered； breathing deeply again。 〃I won't argue it with you。 It
doesn't matter anyway； the
damage is done。〃
〃What damage？〃
He didn't flinch as I shouted the words in his face。
〃Let's head back。 There's nothing more to say。〃
I gaped。 〃There's everything more to say！ You haven't said anything yet！〃
He walked past me； striding back toward the house。
〃I ran into Quil today；〃 I yelled after him。
He paused midstep； but didn't turn。
〃You remember your friend； Quil？ Yeah； he's terrified。〃
Jacob whirled to face me。 His expression was pained。 〃Quil〃 was all he said。
〃He's worried about you； too。 He's freaked out。〃
Jacob stared past me with desperate eyes。
I goaded him further。 〃He's frightened that he's next。〃
Jacob clutched at a tree for support； his face turning a strange shade of
green under the red…brown
surface。 〃He won't be next；〃 Jacob muttered to himself。 〃He can't be。 It's
over now。 This shouldn't still be
happening。 Why？ Why？〃 His fist slammed against the tree。 It wasn't a big tree；
slender and only a few
feet taller than Jacob。 But it still surprised me when tht trunk gave way and
snapped off loudly under his
blows。
Jacob stared at the sharp； broken point with shock that quickly turned to
horror。
〃I have to get back。〃 He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to jog
to keep up。
〃Back to Sam！〃
〃That's one way of looking at it；〃 it sounded like he said。 He was mumbling
and facing away。
I chased him back to the truck。 〃Wait！〃 I called as he turned toward the
house。
He spun around to face me； and I saw that his hands were shaking again。
〃Go home； Bella。 I can't hang out with you anymore。〃
The silly； inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent。 The tears welled up
again。 〃Are you breaking up
with me？〃 The words were all wrong； but they were the best way I could think
to phrase what I was
asking。 After all； what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance。
Stronger。
He barked out a bitter laugh。 〃Hardly。 If that were the case； I'd say 'Let's
stay friends。' I can't even say
that。〃
〃Jacob why？ Sam won't let you have other friends？ Please； Jake。 You
promised。 I need you！〃 The
blank emptiness of my life before—before Jacob brought some semblance of
reason back into
it—reared up and confronted me。 Loneliness choked in my throat。
〃I'm sorry； Bella；〃 Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that
didn't seem to belong to him。
I didn't believe that this was really what Jacob wanted to say。 It seemed like
there was something else
trying to be said through his angry eyes； but I couldn't understand the
message。
Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all。 Maybe this had nothing to do with the
Cullens。 Maybe he was just
trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation。 Maybe I should let him do
that； if that's what was best for
him。 I should do that。 It would be right。
But I heard my voice escaping in a whisper。
〃I'm sorry that I couldn't before I wish I could change how I feel about
you； Jacob。〃 I was
desperate； reaching； stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into
the shape of a lie。 〃Maybe
maybe I would change；〃 I whispered。 〃Maybe； if you gave me some time just
don't quit on me now；
Jake。 I can't take it。〃
His face went from anger to agony in a second。 One shaking hand reached out
toward me。
〃No。 Don't think like that； Bella； please。 Don't blame yourself； don't think
this is your fault。 This one is all
me。 I swear； it's not about you。〃
〃It's not you； it's me；〃 I whispered。 〃There's a new one。〃
〃I mean it； Bella。 I'm not〃 he struggled； his voice going even huskier as he
fought to control his emotion。
His eyes were tortured。 〃I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore； or
anything else。 I'm not what I
was before。 I'm not good。〃
〃What？〃 I stared at him； confused and appalled。 〃What are you saying？ You're
much better than I am；
Jake。 You are good！ Who told you that you aren't？ Sam？ It's a vicious lie；
Jacob！ Don't let him tell you
that！〃 I was suddenly yelling again。
Jacob's face went hard and flat。 〃No one had to tell me anything。 I know what
I am。〃
〃You're my friend； that's what you are！ Jake—don't！〃
He was backing away from me。
〃I'm sorry； Bella；〃 he said again； this time it was a broken mumble。 He turned
and almost ran into the
house。
I was unable to move from where I stood。 I stared at the little house； it
looked too small to hold four
large boys and two larger men。 There was no reaction inside。 No flutter at the
edge of the curtain； no
sound of voices or movement。 It faced me vacantly。
The rain started to drizzle； stinging here and there against my skin。 I
couldn't take my eyes off the house。
Jacob would e back。 He had to。
The rain picked up； and so did the wind。 The drops were no longer falling from
above； they slanted at an
angle from the west。 I could smell the brine from the ocean。 My hair whipped
in my face； sticking to the
wet places and tangling in