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late hour。 When I didn't respond； he got up； stretched； and then left； turning
out the light behind him。
Reluctantly； I followed。
As I climbed the stairs； I felt the last of the afternoon's abnormal sense of
well…being drain from my
system； replaced by a dull fear at the thought of what I was going to have to
live through now。
I wasn't numb anymore。 Tonight would； no doubt； be as horrific as last night。
I lay down on my bed and
curled into a ball in preparation for the onslaught。 I squeezed my eyes shut
and the next thing I next I
knew； it was morning。
I stared at the pale silver light ing through my window； stunned。
For the first time in more than four months； I'd slept without dreaming。
Dreaming or screaming。 I couldn't
tell which emotion was stronger—the relief or the shock。
I lay still in my bed for a few minutes； waiting for it to e back。 Because
something must be ing。 If
not the pain； then the numbness。 I waited； but nothing happened。 I felt more
rested than I had in a long
time。
I didn't trust this to last。 It was a slippery； precarious edge that I
balanced on； and it wouldn't take much
to knock me back down。 Just glancing around my room with these suddenly clear
eyes—noticing how
strange it looked； too tidy； like I didn't live here at all—was dangerous。
I pushed that thought from my mind； and concentrated； as I got dressed； on the
fact that I was going to
see Jacob again today。 The thought made me feel almost hopeful。 Maybe it
would be the same as
yesterday。 Maybe I wouldn't have to remind myself to look interested and to
nod or smile at appropriate
intervals； the way I had to with everyone else。 Maybe but I wouldn't trust
this to last； either。 Wouldn't
trust it to be the same—so easy—as yesterday。 I wasn't going to set myself
up for disappointment like
that。
At breakfast； Charlie was being careful； too。 He tried to hide his scrutiny；
keeping his eyes on his eggs
until he thought I wasn't looking。
〃What are you up to today？〃 he asked； eyeing a loose thread on the edge of his
cuff like he wasn't paying
much attention to my answer。
〃I'm going to hang out with Jacob again。〃
He nodded without looking up。 〃Oh；〃 he said。
〃Do you mind？〃 I pretended to worry。 〃I could stay〃
He glanced up quickly； a hint of panic in his eyes。 〃No； no！ You go ahead。
Harry was going to e up
to watch the game with me anyway。〃
〃Maybe Harry could give Billy a ride up；〃 I suggested。 The fewer witnesses the
better。
〃That's a great idea。〃
I wasn't sure if the game was just an excuse for kicking me out； but he looked
excited enough now。 He
headed to the phone while I donned my rain jacket。 I felt self…conscious with
the checkbook shoved in
my jacket pocket。 It was something I never used。
Outside； the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket。 I had to drive
more slowly than I wanted
to； I could hardly see a car length in front of the truck。 But I finally made
it through the muddy lanes to
Jacob's house。 Before I'd killed the engine； the front door opened and Jacob
came running out with a
huge black umbrella。
He held it over my door while I opened it。
〃Charlie called—said you were on your way；〃 Jacob explained with a grin。
Effortlessly； without a conscious mand to the muscles around my lips； my
answering smile spread
across my face。 A strange feeling of warmth bubbled up in my throat； despite
the icy rain splattering on
my cheeks。
〃Hi； Jacob。〃
〃Good call on inviting Billy up。〃 He held up his hand for a high five。
I had to reach so high to slap his hand that he laughed。
Harry showed up to get Billy just a few minutes later。 Jacob took me on a
brief tour of his tiny room
while we waited to be unsupervised。
〃So where to； Mr。 Goodwrench？〃 I asked as soon as the door closed behind
Billy。
Jacob pulled a folded paper out of his pocket and smoothed it out。 〃We'll
start at the dump first； see if
we can get lucky。 This could get a little expensive；〃 he warned me。 〃Those
bikes are going to need a lot
of help before they'll run again。〃 My face didn't look worried enough； so he
continued。 〃I'm talking about
maybe more than a hundred dollars here。〃
I pulled my checkbook out； fanned myself with it； and rolled my eyes at his
worries。 〃We're covered。〃
It was a very strange kind of day。 I enjoyed myself。 Even at the dump； in the
slopping rain and
ankle…deep mud。 I wondered at first if it was just the aftershock of losing
the numbness； but I didn't think
that was enough of an explanation。
I was beginning to think it was mostly Jacob。 It wasn't just that he was
always so happy to see me； or
that he didn't watch me out of the corner of his eye； waiting for me to do
something that would mark me
as crazy or depressed。 It was nothing that related to me at all。
It was Jacob himself。 Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person； and he
carried that happiness with
him like an aura； sharing it with whoever was near him。 Like an earthbound
sun； whenever someone was
within his gravitational pull； Jacob warmed them。 It was natural； a part of
who he was。 No wonder I was
so eager to see him。
Even when he mented on the gaping hole in my dashboard； it didn't send me
into a panic like it
should have。
〃Did the stereo break？〃 he wondered。
〃Yeah；〃 I lied。
He poked around in the cavity。 〃Who took it out？ There's a lot of damage〃
〃I did；〃 I admitted。
He laughed。 〃Maybe you shouldn't touch the motorcycles too much。〃
〃No problem。〃
According to Jacob； we did get lucky at the dump。 He was very excited about
several grease…blackened
pieces of twisted metal that he found； I was just impressed that he could tell
what they were supposed to
be。
From there we went to the Checker Auto Parts down in Hoquiam。 In my truck； it
was more than a two
hour drive south on the winding freeway； but the time passed easily with
Jacob。 He chattered about his
friends and his school； and I found myself asking questions； not even
pretending； truly curious to hear
what he had to say。
〃I'm doing all the talking；〃 he plained after a long story about Quil and
the tro