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‘Wha’？’
‘I’m asking about nursery。 Robbie’s supposed to be there today。 I need to know when he was last there。’
‘I told you； din’ I？ Las’ time。’
Her eyes were more fully open than Kay had yet seen them。 The timbre of her voice was still flat； but antagonism was struggling to the surface。
‘Are you a dyke？’ she asked。
‘No；’ said Kay； still writing。
‘You look like a dyke；’ said Terri。
Kay continued to write。
‘Juice；’ Robbie shouted； chocolate smeared over his chin。
This time Kay did not move。 After another long pause； Terri lurched out of her chair and wove her way into the hall。 Kay leaned forward and shifted the loose lid of the biscuit tin Terri had displaced when she sat down。 Inside was a syringe； a bit of grubby cotton wool； a rusty…looking spoon and a dusty polythene bag。 Kay snapped the lid back on firmly； while Robbie watched her。 Terri returned； after some distant clattering； carrying a cup of juice； which she shoved at the little boy。
‘There；’ she said； more to Kay than to her son； and she sat back down again。 She missed the seat and collided with the arm of the chair on her first attempt； Kay heard the bone collide with wood； but Terri seemed to feel no pain。 She settled herself back into the sagging cushions and surveyed the social worker with bleary indifference。
Kay had read the file from cover to cover。 She knew that nearly everything of value in Terri Weedon’s life had been sucked into the black hole of her addiction； that it had cost her two children； that she barely clung to two more； that she prostituted herself to pay for heroin； that she had been involved in every sort of petty crime； and that she was currently attempting rehab for the umpteenth time。
But not to feel； not to care … Right now； Kay thought； she’s happier than I am。
III
At the start of the second post…lunch period； Stuart ‘Fats’ Wall walked out of school。 His experiment in truancy was undertaken in no rash spirit； he had decided the previous night that he would miss the double period of puting that finished the afternoon。 He might have chosen to skip any lesson； but it so happened that his best friend Andrew Price （known to Fats as Arf） was in a different set in puting； and Fats； in spite of his best efforts； had not succeeded in being demoted to join him。
Fats and Andrew were perhaps equally aware that the admiration in their relationship flowed mostly from Andrew to Fats； but Fats alone suspected that he needed Andrew more than Andrew needed him。 Lately； Fats had started to regard this dependency in the light of a weakness； but he reasoned that； while his liking for Andrew’s pany lingered； he might as well miss a double period where he had to do without it anyway。
Fats had been told by a reliable informant that the one fail…safe way of quitting the Winterdown grounds without being spotted from a window was to climb over the side wall by the bike shed。 This； therefore； he did； dropping down by his fingertips into the narrow lane on the other side。 He landed without mishap； strode off along the narrow path and turned left； onto the busy dirty main road。
Safely on his way； he lit a cigarette and proceeded past the run…down little shops。 Five blocks along； Fats turned left again； into the first of the streets that made up the Fields。 He loosened his school tie with one hand as he walked； but did not remove it。 He did not care that he was； conspicuously； a schoolboy。 Fats had never even attempted to customize his uniform in any way； to pin badges on his lapels or adjust his tie knot to suit fashion； he wore his school clothes with the disdain of a convict。
He had decided that he possessed traits that were authentic； which ought therefore to be encouraged and cultivated； but also that some of his habits of thought were the unnatural product of his unfortunate upbringing； and consequently inauthentic and to be purged。 Lately； he had been experimenting with acting on what he thought were his authentic impulses； and ignoring or suppressing the guilt and fear （inauthentic） that such actions seemed to engender。 Undoubtedly； this was being easier with practice。 He wanted to toughen up inside； to bee invulnerable； to be free of the fear of consequences： to rid himself of spurious notions of goodness and badness。
One of the things that had begun to irritate him about his own dependence on Andrew was that the latter’s presence sometimes curbed and limited the full expression of Fats’ authentic self。 Somewhere in Andrew was a self…drawn map of what constituted fair play； and lately Fats had caught looks of displeasure； confusion and disappointment poorly disguised on his old friend’s face。 Andrew pulled up short at extremes of baiting and derision。 Fats did not hold this against Andrew； it would have been inauthentic for Andrew to join in； unless that was what he really； truly wanted。 The trouble was that Andrew was displaying an attachment to the kind of morality against which Fats was waging an increasingly determined war。 Fats suspected that the right thing to do； the correctly unsentimental act in pursuit of full authenticity； would have been to cut Andrew adrift； and yet he still preferred Andrew’s pany to anybody else’s。
Fats was convinced that he knew himself particularly well； he explored the nooks and crevices of his own psyche with an attention he had recently ceased to give to anything else。 He spent hours interrogating himself about his own impulses； desires and fears； attempting to discriminate between those that were truly his and those that he had been taught to feel。 He examined his own attachments （nobody else he knew； he was sure； was ever this honest with themselves； they drifted； half asleep； through life）： and his conclusion had been that Andrew； whom he had known since he was five； was the person for whom he felt the most straightforward affection； that； even though he was now old enough to see through her； he retained an attachment to his mother that was not his own fault； and that he actively despised Cubby； who represented the acme and pinnacle of inauthenticity。
On the Facebook page that Fats curated with a care he devoted to almost nothin