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to go to her right away。”
“Andy； she’s fine。 She was arrested。” He said it quietly； as if he
were breaking the news to a parent that their child wasn’t going to
pass fourth grade。
“Arrested？ She was arrested？” I tried to stay calm； but I realized
too late that I was screaming。 My dad walked in； pulling a giant
cart that looked ready to topple under the weight of unevenly
stacked boxes。
“Who was arrested？” he asked off…handedly。 “Mr。 Fisher brought all
this stuff up for us。”
I was racking my brain for a lie； but Alex stepped in before I could
think of anything remotely plausible。 “Oh； I was just telling Andy
that I saw on VH…1 last night that one of the girls from TLC was
arrested on drug charges。 And she always seemed like one of the
straighter ones 。 。 。”
My dad shook his head and surveyed the room； only half listening and
probably wondering when exactly Alex or myself had bee so
interested in female pop stars that we actually discussed it。 “I’m
thinking that the only real place your bed can go is with the head
against the far wall；” he said。 “Speaking of which； I better go see
how they’re doing。”
I literally flung my body in front of Alex the minute the apartment
door closed。
“Quickly！ Tell me what happened。 What happened？”
“Andy； you’re shrieking。 It’s not so bad。 Actually； it’s kind of
funny。” His eyes crinkled as he laughed； and for a brief second he
looked just like Eduardo。 Ew。
“Alex Fineman； you better fucking tell me right now what happened
with my best friend—”
“OK； OK； relax。” He was clearly enjoying this。 “She was out with
some guy last night that she referred to as Tongue Ring Boy—do we
know who that is？”
I stared at him。
“Anyway； they went out for dinner and Tongue Ring Boy was walking
her Home； and she thought it’d be fun to flash him； right there on
the street outside the restaurant。 ‘Sexy；’ she said。 To get him
interested。”
I envisioned Lily unwrapping a dinner mint and strolling outside
after a romantic meal； only to pull away and yank up her shirt for a
guy who’d paid to have someone ram a post through his tongue。 Jesus。
“Oh no。 She didn’t 。 。 。”
Alex nodded somberly； trying not to laugh。
“You’re telling me my friend got arrested for showing her breasts？
That’s ridiculous。 This is New York。 I see women every day who are
practically topless—and that’s in the workplace！” I was shrieking
again； but I couldn’t help it。
“Her bottom。” He was looking at his shoes again； and his face was so
red； I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or hysterical。
“Her what？”
“Not her breasts。 Her bottom。 Her lower half。 Like； all of it。 Front
and back。” An ear…to…ear grin had finally broken out； and he looked
so delighted that I thought he might wet himself。
“Oh； say it isn’t true；” I moaned； wondering what my friend had
gotten herself into now。 “And a cop saw her and arrested her？”
“No； evidently two little kids saw her do it and pointed it out to
their mother 。 。 。”
“Oh； god。”
“So； the mother asked her to pull her pants back up； and Lily loudly
told her what she could do with her opinions； and the woman went and
found a cop standing on the next street over。”
“Oh； stop。 Oh； please； just stop。”
“It gets better。 By the time the woman and the cop came back； Lily
and Tongue Ring Boy were going at it on the street； pretty hot and
heavy from what she said。”
“Who is this？ This is my friend Lily Goodwin？ My sweet； adorable
best friend from eighth grade now gets naked and hooks up on street
corners？ With guys who have tongue rings？”
“Andy； calm down。 Really； she’s fine。 The only reason the cop
actually arrested her was because she gave him the finger when he
asked if she had； in fact； pulled her pants down 。 。 。”
“Oh； my god。 I can’t take it anymore。 This is what it must feel like
to be a mother。”
“。 。 。 but they let her go with just a warning； and she’s going back
to her apartment to recover—sounds like she was pretty drunk。 I
mean； why else would someone flip off a police officer？ So don’t
worry。 Let’s get you moved in and then we can go see her if you
want。” He headed toward the cart my dad had left in the middle of
the living room and started unloading boxes。
I couldn’t wait until later； I had to see what had happened。 She
picked up on the fourth ring； right before it clicked into voice
mail； as if she’d been debating whether or not to answer it。
“Are you OK？” I asked her the second I heard her voice。
“Hey； Andy。 Hope I’m not screwing up the move at all。 You don’t need
me； right？ Sorry about all this。”
“No； I don’t care about that； I care about you。 Are you OK？” It had
just occurred to me that Lily may have spent the night at the police
station； considering that it was early Saturday morning and she was
just leaving。 “Did you stay overnight？ Injail？ ”
“Well； yeah； I guess you could say that。 It wasn’t so bad； nothing
like TV or anything。 I just slept in this room with one other
totally harmless girl who was in for something just as stupid。 The
guards were totally cool—it really wasn’t a big deal。 No bars or
anything。” She laughed； but it sounded hollow。
I digested this for a moment； tried to reconcile the image of sweet
little hippie Lily getting cornered in a urine…flooded cell by an
extremely angry and possessive lesbian。 “Where the hell was Tongue
Ring Boy through all of this？ Did he just leave you to rot in jail？”
But before she could answer； it occurred to me： Where the hell was I
through all of this？ Why hadn’t Lily called me？
“He was actually really great； he—”
“Lily； why—”
“。 。 。