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shes registered under beps name。 the teachers very nice; and witty too。 i bet hes glad to have such a smart student。
dussel is in a turmoil and we dont know why。 it all began with dussels saying nothing when he was upstairs; he didnt exchange so much as a word with either mr。
or mrs。 van daan。 we all noticed it。 this went on for a few days; and then mother took the opportunity to warn him about mrs。 van d。; who could make life miserable for him。 dussel said mr。 van daan had started the silent treatment and he had no intention of breaking it。 i should explain that yesterday was november 16; the first anniversary of his living in the annex。 mother received a plant in honor of the occasion; but mrs。 van daan; who had alluded to the date for weeks and made no
bones about the fact that she thought dussel should treat us to dinner; received nothing。 instead of making use of the opportunity to thank us for the first time for unselfishly taking him in; he didnt utter a word。 and on the morning of the sixteenth; when i asked him whether i should offer him my congratulations or my condolences; he replied that either one would do。 mother; having cast herself in the role of peacemaker; made no headway whatsoever; and the situation finally ended in a draw。
i can say without exaggeration that dussel has definitely got a screw loose。 we often laugh to ourselves because he has no memory; no fixed opinions and no mon sense。 hes amused us more than once by trying to pass on the news hes just heard; since the message invariably gets garbled in transmission。 furthermore; he answers every reproach or accusation with a load of fine 1 promises; which he never manages to keep。
〃der mann hat einen grossen geist una ist so klein van taten!〃* '*a well…known expression:
〃the spirit of the man is great; how puny are his deeds。鈥
yours; anne
saturday; november 27; 1943
dearest kitty;
last night; just as i was falling asleep; hanneli suddenly appeared before me。
i saw her there; dressed in rags; her face thin and worn。 she looked at me with such sadness and reproach in her enormous eyes that i could read the message in them:
〃oh; anne; why have you deserted me? help me; help me; rescue me from this hell!鈥
and i cant help her。 i can only stand by and watch while other people suffer and die。
all i can do is pray to god to bring her back to us。 i saw hanneli; and no one else; and i understood why。 i misjudged her; wasnt mature enough to understand how difficult it was for her。 she was devoted to her girlfriend; and it must have seemed as though i were trying to take her away。 the poor thing; she must have felt awful! i know; because i recognize the feeling in myself! i had an occasional flash of understanding; but then got selfishly wrapped up again in my own problems and pleasures。
it was mean of me to treat her that way; and now she was looking at me; oh so helplessly; with her pale face and beseeching eyes。 if only i could help her! dear god; i have everything i could wish for; while fate has her in its deadly clutches。 she was as devout as i am; maybe even more so; and she too wanted to do what was right。
but then why have i been chosen to live; while shes probably going to die? whats the difference between us? why are we now so far apart?
to be honest; i hadnt thought of her for months no; for at least a year。 i hadnt forgotten her entirely; and yet it wasnt until i saw her before me that i thought of all her suffering。
oh; hanneli; i hope that if you live to the end of the war and return to us; ill be able to take you in and make up for the wrong ive done you。
but even if i were ever in a position to help; she wouldnt need it more than she does now。 i wonder if she ever thinks of me; and what shes feeling?
merciful god; fort her; so that at least she wont be alone。 oh; if only you could tell her im thinking of her with passion and love; it might help her go on。
ive got to stop dwelling on this。 it wont get me anywhere。 i keep seeing her enormous eyes; and they haunt me。 does hanneli really and truly believe in god; or has religion merely been foisted upon her? i dont even know that。 i never took the trouble to ask。
hanneli; hanneli; if only i could take you away; if only i could share everything i have with you。 its too late。 i cant help; or undo the wrong ive done。 but ill never forget her again and ill always pray for her!
yours; anne
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DECEMBER; 1943
锛屽皬璇达伎t锛縳t澶╁爞
monday; december 6; 1943
dearest kitty;
the closer it got to st。 nicholas day; the more we all thought back to last years festively decorated basket。
more than anyone; i thought it would be terrible to skip a celebration this year。 after long deliberation; i finally came up with an idea; something funny。 i consulted rim; and
a week ago we set to work writing a verse for each person。
sunday evening at a quarter to eight we trooped upstairs carrying the big laundry basket; which had been decorated with cutouts and bows made of pink and blue carbon paper。 on top was a large piece of brown wrapping paper with a note attached。
everyone was rather amazed at the sheer size of the gift。 i removed the note and read it aloud:
〃once again st。 nicholas day has even e to our hideaway;
it wont be quite as jun; i fear; as the happy day we had last year。
then we were hopeful; no reason to doubt that optimism would win the bout; and by the time this year came round; wed all be free; and s* and sound。
still; lets not jorget its st。 nicholas day; though weve nothing left to give away。
well have to find something else to do:
so everyone please look in their shoe!鈥
as each person took their own shoe out of the basket; there was a roar of laughter。
inside each shoe was a little wrapped package addressed to its owner。
yours; anne
dearest kitty;
a bad case of flu has prevented me from writing to you until today。 being sick here is dreadful。 with every cough; i had to duck under the blanket once; twice; three times and try to keep from coughing anymore。
most of the time the tickle refused to go away; so i had to drink milk with hon