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‘Hang it all！’ she cried； with a touch of her old spirit。 ‘Here goes！’
And she plunged her pen neck deep in the ink。 To her enormous surprise； there was no explosion。 She drew the nib out。 It was wet； but not dripping。 She wrote。 The words were a little long in ing； but e they did。 Ah！ but did they make sense？ she wondered； a panic ing over her lest the pen might have been at some of its involuntary pranks again。 She read；
And then I came to a field where the springing grass
Was dulled by the hanging cups of fritillaries；
Sullen and foreign–looking； the snaky flower；
Scarfed in dull purple； like Egyptian girls：—
As she wrote she felt some power （remember we are dealing with the most obscure manifestations of the human spirit） reading over her shoulder； and when she had written ‘Egyptian girls’； the power told her to stop。 Grass； the power seemed to say； going back with a ruler such as governesses use to the beginning； is all right； the hanging cups of fritillaries—admirable； the snaky flower—a thought； strong from a lady’s pen； perhaps； but Wordsworth no doubt； sanctions it； but—girls？ Are girls necessary？ You have a husband at the Cape； you say？ Ah； well； that’ll do。
And so the spirit passed on。
Orlando now performed in spirit （for all this took place in spirit） a deep obeisance to the spirit of her age； such as—to pare great things with small—a traveller； conscious that he has a bundle of cigars in the corner of his suit case； makes to the customs officer who has obligingly made a scribble of white chalk on the lid。 For she was extremely doubtful whether； if the spirit had examined the contents of her mind carefully； it would not have found something highly contraband for which she would have had to pay the full fine。 She had only escaped by the skin of her teeth。 She had just managed； by some dexterous deference to the spirit of the age； by putting on a ring and finding a man on a moor； by loving nature and being no satirist； cynic； or psychologist—any one of which goods would have been discovered at once—to pass its examination successfully。 And she heaved a deep sigh of relief； as； indeed； well she might； for the transaction between a writer and the spirit of the age is one of infinite delicacy； and upon a nice arrangement between the two the whole fortune of his works depends。 Orlando had so ordered it that she was in an extremely happy position； she need neither fight her age； nor submit to it； she was of it； yet remained herself。 Now； therefore； she could write； and write she did。 She wrote。 She wrote。 She wrote。
It was now November。 After November； es December。 Then January； February； March； and April。 After April es May。 June； July； August follow。 Next is September。 Then October； and so； behold； here we are back at November again； with a whole year acplished。
This method of writing biography； though it has its merits； is a little bare； perhaps； and the reader； if we go on with it； may plain that he could recite the calendar for himself and so save his pocket whatever sum the Hogarth Press may think proper to charge for this book。 But what can the biographer do when his subject has put him in the predicament into which Orlando has now put us？ Life； it has been agreed by everyone whose opinion is worth consulting； is the only fit subject for novelist or biographer； life； the same authorities have decided； has nothing whatever to do with sitting still in a chair and thinking。 Thought and life are as the poles asunder。 Therefore—since sitting in a chair and thinking is precisely what Orlando is doing now—there is nothing for it but to recite the calendar； tell one’s beads； blow one’s nose； stir the fire； look out of the window； until she has done。 Orlando sat so still that you could have heard a pin drop。 Would； indeed； that a pin had dropped！ That would have been life of a kind。 Or if a butterfly had fluttered through the window and settled on her chair； one could write about that。 Or suppose she had got up and killed a wasp。 Then； at once； we could out with our pens and write。 For there would be blood shed； if only the blood of a wasp。 Where there is blood there is life。 And if killing a wasp is the merest trifle pared with killing a man； still it is a fitter subject for novelist or biographer than this mere wool–gathering； this thinking； this sitting in a chair day in； day out； with a cigarette and a sheet of paper and a pen and an ink pot。 If only subjects； we might plain （for our patience is wearing thin）； had more consideration for their biographers！ What is more irritating than to see one’s subject； on whom one has lavished so much time and trouble； slipping out of one’s grasp altogether and indulging—witness her sighs and gasps； her flushing； her palings； her eyes now bright as lamps； now haggard as dawns—what is more humiliating than to see all this dumb show of emotion and excitement gone through before our eyes when we know that what causes it—thought and imagination—are of no importance whatsoever？
But Orlando was a woman—Lord Palmerston had just proved it。 And when we are writing the life of a woman； we may； it is agreed； waive our demand for action； and substitute love instead。 Love； the poet has said； is woman’s whole existence。 And if we look for a moment at Orlando writing at her table； we must admit that never was there a woman more fitted for that calling。 Surely； since she is a woman； and a beautiful woman； and a woman in the prime of life； she will soon give over this pretence of writing and thinking and begin at least to think of a gamekeeper （and as long as she thinks of a man； nobody objects to a woman thinking）。 And then she will write him a little note （and as long as she writes little notes nobody objects to a woman writing either） and make an assignation for Sunday dusk and Sunday dusk will e； and the gamekeeper will whistle under the window—all of which is； of course； the very stuff of life and the only possible subject for fiction。 Surely Orlando must have done one of these things？ Alas；—a thousand times； alas； Orlando did none of them。 Must it then be admitted that Orlando was one of those monsters of iniquity who do not love？ She