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n as the Archduke） told his story—that he was a man and always had been one； that he had seen a portrait of Orlando and fallen hopelessly in love with him； that to pass his ends； he had dressed as a woman and lodged at the Baker’s shop； that he was desolated when he fled to Turkey； that he had heard of her change and hastened to offer his services （here he teed and heed intolerably）。 For to him； said the Archduke Harry； she was and would ever be the Pink； the Pearl； the Perfection of her sex。 The three p’s would have been more persuasive if they had not been interspersed with tee–hees and haw–haws of the strangest kind。 ‘If this is love；’ said Orlando to herself； looking at the Archduke on the other side of the fender； and now from the woman’s point of view； ‘there is something highly ridiculous about it。’
Falling on his knees； the Archduke Harry made the most passionate declaration of his suit。 He told her that he had something like twenty million ducats in a strong box at his castle。 He had more acres than any nobleman in England。 The shooting was excellent： he could promise her a mixed bag of ptarmigan and grouse such as no English moor； or Scotch either； could rival。 True； the pheasants had suffered from the gape in his absence； and the does had slipped their young； but that could be put right； and would be with her help when they lived in Roumania together。
As he spoke； enormous tears formed in his rather prominent eyes and ran down the sandy tracts of his long and lanky cheeks。
That men cry as frequently and as unreasonably as women； Orlando knew from her own experience as a man； but she was beginning to be aware that women should be shocked when men display emotion in their presence； and so； shocked she was。
The Archduke apologized。 He manded himself sufficiently to say that he would leave her now； but would return on the following day for his answer。
That was a Tuesday。 He came on Wednesday； he came on Thursday； he came on Friday； and he came on Saturday。 It is true that each visit began； continued； or concluded with a declaration of love； but in between there was much room for silence。 They sat on either side of the fireplace and sometimes the Archduke knocked over the fire–irons and Orlando picked them up again。 Then the Archduke would bethink him how he had shot an elk in Sweden； and Orlando would ask； was it a very big elk； and the Archduke would say that it was not as big as the reindeer which he shot in Norway； and Orlando would ask； had he ever shot a tiger； and the Archduke would say he had shot an albatross； and Orlando would say （half hiding her yawn） was an albatross as big as an elephant； and the Archduke would say—something very sensible； no doubt； but Orlando heard it not； for she was looking at her writing–table； out of the window； at the door。 Upon which the Archduke would say； ‘I adore you’； at the very same moment that Orlando said ‘Look； it’s beginning to rain’； at which they were both much embarrassed； and blushed scarlet； and could neither of them think what to say next。 Indeed； Orlando was at her wit’s end what to talk about and had she not bethought her of a game called Fly Loo； at which great sums of money can be lost with very little expense of spirit； she would have had to marry him； she supposed； for how else to get rid of him she knew not。 By this device； however； and it was a simple one； needing only three lumps of sugar and a sufficiency of flies； the embarrassment of conversation was overe and the necessity of marriage avoided。 For now； the Archduke would bet her five hundred pounds to a tester that a fly would settle on this lump and not on that。 Thus； they would have occupation for a whole morning watching the flies （who were naturally sluggish at this season and often spent an hour or so circling round the ceiling） until at length some fine bluebottle made his choice and the match was won。 Many hundreds of pounds changed hands between them at this game； which the Archduke； who was a born gambler； swore was every bit as good as horse racing； and vowed he could play at for ever。 But Orlando soon began to weary。
What’s the good of being a fine young woman in the prime of life’； she asked； ‘if I have to pass all my mornings watching blue–bottles with an Archduke？’
She began to detest the sight of sugar； flies made her dizzy。 Some way out of the difficulty there must be； she supposed； but she was still awkward in the arts of her sex； and as she could no longer knock a man over the head or run him through the body with a rapier； she could think of no better method than this。 She caught a blue–bottle； gently pressed the life out of it （it was half dead already； or her kindness for the dumb creatures would not have permitted it） and secured it by a drop of gum arabic to a lump of sugar。 While the Archduke was gazing at the ceiling； she deftly substituted this lump for the one she had laid her money on； and crying ‘Loo Loo！’ declared that she had won her bet。 Her reckoning was that the Archduke； with all his knowledge of sport and horseracing； would detect the fraud and； as to cheat at Loo is the most heinous of crimes； and men have been banished from the society of mankind to that of apes in the tropics for ever because of it； she calculated that he would be manly enough to refuse to have anything further to do with her。 But she misjudged the simplicity of the amiable nobleman。 He was no nice judge of flies。 A dead fly looked to him much the same as a living one。 She played the trick twenty times on him and he paid her over 17；250 pounds （which is about 40；885 pounds 6 shillings and 8 pence of our own money） before Orlando cheated so grossly that even he could be deceived no longer。 When he realized the truth at last； a painful scene ensued。 The Archduke rose to his full height。 He coloured scarlet。 Tears rolled down his cheeks one by one。 That she had won a fortune from him was nothing—she was wele to it； that she had deceived him was something—it hurt him to think her capable of it； but that she had cheated at Loo was everything。 To love a woman who cheated at play was； he said； impossible。 Here he broke down pletely。 Happily； he said； recove