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my name is red-我的名字叫红-第章

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protracted  silence;  he  added;  “Is  it  that  you  want  to  leave  me;  my  dear 
daughter?” 
“Last night I dreamed that my husband had died;” I said。 I didn’t cry the 
way a woman who’d actually seen such a dream would have。 
“Like those who know how to read a picture; one should know how to read 
a dream。” 
“Would you consider it appropriate for me to describe my dream?” 
There was a pause: We smiled at each other; quickly inferring—as intelligent 
people do—all possible conclusions from the matter at hand。 
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“By  interpreting  your  dream;  I  might  be  convinced  of  his  death;  yet  your 
father…in…law; your brother…in…law and the judge; who is obligated to listen to 
them; will demand more proof。” 
“Two years have passed since I returned here with the children and my in…
laws haven’t been able to force me back…” 
“Because they very well realize that they have their own misdeeds to answer 
for;”  said  my  father。  “This  doesn’t  mean  that  they’ll  be  willing  to  let  you 
petition for a divorce。” 
“If we were followers of the Maliki or the Hanbeli sects;” I said; “the judge; 
acknowledging  that  four  years  have  passed;  would  grant  me  a  divorce  in 
addition  to  securing  a  support  allowance  for  me。  But  since  we  are;  many 
thanks to Allah; Hanefis; this option is not open to us。” 
“Don’t mention the üsküdar judge’s Shafüte stand…in to me。 That’s not a 
sound venture。” 
“All the women of Istanbul whose husbands are missing at the front go to 
him with their witnesses to get divorced。 Since he’s a Shafüte; he simply asks; 
”Is your husband missing?“ ”How long has he been missing?“ ”Are you having 
trouble  making  ends  meet?“  ”Are  these  your  witnesses?“  and  immediately 
grants the divorce。” 
“My  dear  Shekure;  who’s  planted  such  schemes  in  your  head?”  he  said。 
“Who’s stripped you of your reason?” 
“After I’m divorced once and for all; if there is a man who can truly strip 
me  of  my  reason;  you  will;  of  course;  tell  me  who  that  might  be  and  I  shall 
never question your decision about my husband。” 
My shrewd father; realizing that his daughter was as shrewd as he; began to 
blink。 My father would blink rapidly like this for three reasons: 1。 because he 
was in a tight spot and his mind was racing to find a clever way out; 2。 because 
he was on the verge of tears of hopelessness and sorrow; 3。 because he was in a 
tight spot; cunningly bining reasons 1 and 2 to give the impression that he 
might soon cry out of sorrow。 
“Are  you  taking  the  children  and  abandoning  your  old  father?  Do  you 
realize that on account of our book”—yes; he said “our book”—“I was afraid 
of  being  murdered;  but  now  that  you  want  to  take  the  children  and  leave;  I 
wele death。” 
“My  dear  father;  wasn’t  it  you  who  always  said  that  only  a  divorce  could 
save me from that good…for…nothing brother…in…law?” 
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“I  don’t  want  you  to  abandon  me。  One  day  your  husband  might  return。 
Even if he doesn’t; there’s no harm in your being married—so long as you live 
in this house with your father。” 
“I want nothing more than to live in this house with you。” 
“Darling;  weren’t  you  just  now  saying  that  you  wanted  to  get  married  as 
soon as possible?” 
This is the dead end you reach by arguing with your father: In due course; 
you too will be convinced that you’re in the wrong。 
“I was;” I said; gazing at the ground in front of me。 Then; holding back my 
tears and encouraged by the truth of what came to mind; I said: 
“All right then; shall I never be married again?” 
“There’s a special place in my heart for the son…in…law who won’t take you 
far from me。 Who is your suitor; would he be willing to live here with us in 
this house?” 
I fell silent。 We both knew; of course; that my father would never respect a 
son…in…law willing to live here together with us; and would gradually demean 
and stifle him。 And as Father’s underhanded and expert belittling of the man 
who’d moved in with his bride’s family proceeded I would soon want to be 
that wife no more。 
“Without  a  father’s  approval;  in  your  situation;  you  know  that  getting 
married is practically impossible; don’t you? I don’t want you to get married; 
and I refuse to grant you permission to do so—” 
“I don’t want to get married; I want a divorce。” 
“—because some thoughtless beast of a man who cares about nothing but 
his own concerns might hurt you。 You know how much I love you; don’t you; 
my dear Shekure? Besides; we must finish this book。” 
I  said  nothing。  For  if  I  were  to  speak—prompted  by  the  Devil;  who  was 
aware  of  my  anger—I  would  tell  my  father  right  to  his  face  that  I  knew  he 
slept with Hayriye at night。 But would it befit a woman like me to admit that 
she knew that her elderly father slept with a slave girl? 
“Who is it that wants to marry you?” 
I gazed at the ground before me and barrassment; 
but out of anger。 And recognizing the extent of my anger; but not being able to 
respond  in  some  manner  made  me  even  more  furious。  At  that  juncture;  I 
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imagined  my  father  and  Hayriye  in  bed  in  that  ridiculous  and  disgusting 
position。 I was on the verge of tears when I said: 
“There’s zucchini on the stove; I don’t want it to burn。” 
I crossed to the room beside the staircase; the one with the always…closed 
window that looked out onto the well。 In the dark; quickly locating the roll…up 
mattress with my hands; I spread it open and lay down: Ah; what a wonderful 
feeling;  to  lie  down  and  fall  asleep  in  a  fit  of  tears  like  a  child  who’s  been 
wrongly chastised! And what agony it is to know that I’m the only person in 
the world who likes me。 As I cry in my solitude; only you; who hear my sobs 
and moans; can e to my aid。 
A while later; I found that Orhan had stretched out upon my bed。 He placed 
his head between my breasts。 I saw that he was sighing; and crying too。 Pulling 
him close to me; I h
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