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the days of my life-第章

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 vastness of the ether。 Then; as St。 Paul says; we are of all men the most miserable; then let us eat and drink for tomorrow we die; then let us see to it; so far as is possible; that we bring none here to bear the burden of the years and know the despairing bitterness of death。
Needless to say; I refer to the Resurrection of Jesus Christ。 If He never rose from the grave; then; so far as I can see; there is no hope for Christian man; and we trust in a vain thing。 I say; so far as I can see; for there may exist other roads of salvation with y part; I believe; however; that He did rise; as firmly as I believe that at this moment of writing I am sitting on the deck of a ship called the Arcadia; and that what He; born of woman; did; we shall do also。
Indeed this may be a convenient place to state my private opinion (it is no more; though I cannot find that it conflicts with the doctrines of Christianity; see; for instance; the passage in which our Lord refers to Elijah as having returned to Earth in the person of John the Baptist); to the effect that we; or at any rate that some of us; already have individually gone through this process of ing into active Being and departing out of Being more than once — perhaps very often indeed — though not necessarily in this world with which we are acquainted。 In short; like the Buddhists; I am strongly inclined to believe that the Personality which animates each of us is immeasurably ancient; having been forged in so many fires; and that; as its past is immeasurable; so will its future be。 This is in some ways an unfortable faith or instinct; thus I; for one; have no wish to live again upon our earth。 Moreover; it is utterly insusceptible of proof — like everything else that has to do with the spirit — for vague memories; affinities with certain lands and races; irresistible attractions and repulsions; at times amounting in the former case to intimacies of the soul (among members of the same sex; for in discussing such matters it is perhaps better to exclude the other) so strong that they appear to be already well established; such as have drawn me so close to certain friends; and notably to one friend recently departed; are none of them proof。 Nor are the revelations of persons who seem to have access to certain stores of knowledge denied to most men; for these may be anything or nothing。 Nor is that strong conviction of immemorial age which haunts the hearts of some of us。
No; there is no proof; and yet reason es to the support of these imaginings。 Unless we have lived before; or the grotesque incongruities of life are to be explained in some way unknown to us; our present existence; to my mind; resembles nothing so much as a handful of what is known as “printer’s pie” cast together at hazard and struck off for the reader to interpret as he will or can。 Or perhaps in this case a better example would be to pare the world to a great ball…room wherein a Puck…like Death acts as Master of Ceremonies。 Here the highly born; the gifted and the successful are weled with shouts of praise; while the plain; the poorly dressed; the halt; are trodden underfoot; here partners; chosen at hazard; often enough seem to be dancing to a different time and step; till they are snatched asunder to meet no more; here one by one the revellers of all degrees are touched upon the shoulder by the Puck…like Death who calls the tune; and drop down; down into an imperable darkness; while others who knew them not are called to take their places。
But if we admit that every one of these has lived before and danced in other rooms; and will live again and dance in other rooms; then meaning informs the meaningless。 Then those casual meetings and swift farewells; those loves and hatings; are not of chance; then those partners are not chosen at hazard after all。 Then the dancers who in turn must swoon away beneath that awful; mocking touch; do not drop into darkness but into some new well of the water of Life。 Then what we behold is but a few threads; apparently so tangled; that go to weave the Sphinx’s seamless veil; or some stupendous tapestry that enwraps the whole Universe of Creation which; when seen at last; will picture forth the Truth in all its splendour; and with it the wondrous story and the meaning of our lives。
Such; put shortly and figuratively; seems to me one of the strongest arguments for the continuity of our personal existence through various phases。 It may be; however; that it is no argument at all — that there is some other explanation (beyond that of blind; black; brutal chance); perhaps so simple that we cannot grasp it; which accounts for everything。
One contention; however; I find it hard to accept — namely; that man appearing here for the first time through an accident of the flesh is placed and judged eternally in accordance with his deeds of at most about thirty waking; conscious years (even if his life be long); for childhood and the time spent in sleep must be excluded。 To me such a thing is almost incredible。 Final judgment I can understand after many lives of growing towards the good or towards the ill — and; indeed; the faith I follow declares it — but not an eternity of anything decreed on the deeds of ten or twenty or thirty years passed among the surroundings in which we happened to be born; weighted with the infirmities and inherited tendencies of a flesh and nature that we did not choose。 Over a great period of many different existences; selected according to the elective fitness of the ego; matters and opportunities selves; and that ego would follow the path it selected to its inevitable end。 But one life of a maximum of thirty years full…stopped with doom 。 。 。 !
All this; however; is a digression from my arguments to which I now return。
I have said that I believe in the truth of the New Testament story; and that to my mind everything hinges upon the fact of the Resurrection; although I am aware that many who call themselves Christians; and expect; apparently; to receive whatever benefits Christianity can bring; give no credence to this or any other miracle。 Surely these might as well expect to inherit salvation by virtue of a study of the doctrines of Confucius。 I hope 
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