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简爱(英文版)-第章

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y acrid; the other despicably savourless for the want of it。 Feeling without judgment is a washy draught indeed; but judgment untempered by feeling is too bitter and husky a morsel for human deglutition。
It was a wet and windy afternoon: Georgiana had fallen asleep on the sofa over the perusal of a novel; Eliza was gone to attend a saint’s…day service at the new church—for in matters of religion she was a rigid formalist: no weather ever prevented the punctual discharge of what she considered her devotional duties; fair or foul; she went to church thrice every Sunday; and as often on week… days as there were prayers。
I bethought myself to go upstairs and see how the dying woman sped; who lay there almost unheeded: the very servants paid her but a remittent attention: the hired nurse; being little looked after; would slip out of the room whenever she could。 Bessie was faithful; but she had her own family to mind; and could only e occasionally to the hall。 I found the sick…room unwatched; as I had expected: no nurse was there; the patient lay still; and seemingly lethargic; her livid face sunk in the pillows: the fire was dying in the grate。 I renewed the fuel; re…arranged the bedclothes; gazed awhile on her who could not now gaze on me; and then I moved away to the window。
The rain beat strongly against the panes; the wind blew tempestuously: “One lies there;” I thought; “who will soon be beyond the war of earthly elements。 Whither will that spirit—noaterial tenement—flit when at length released?”
In pondering the great mystery; I thought of Helen Burns; recalled her dying words—her faith—her doctrine of the equality of disembodied souls。 I was still listening in thought to her well… remembered tones—still picturing her pale and spiritual aspect; her wasted face and sublime gaze; as she lay on her placid deathbed; and whispered her longing to be restored to her divine Father’s bosom— when a feeble voice murmured from the couch behind: “Who is that?”
I knew Mrs。 Reed had not spoken for days: was she reviving? I went up to her。
“It is I; Aunt Reed。”
“Who—I?” was her answer。 “Who are you?” looking at me with surprise and a sort of alarm; but still not e—where is Bessie?”
“She is at the lodge; aunt。”
“Aunt;” she repeated。 “Who calls me aunt? You are not one of the Gibsons; and yet I know you—that face; and the eyes and forehead; are quiet familiar to me: you are like—why; you are like Jane Eyre!”
I said nothing: I was afraid of occasioning some shock by declaring my identity。
“Yet;” said she; “I am afraid it is a mistake: my thoughts deceive me。 I wished to see Jane Eyre; and I fancy a likeness where none exists: besides; in eight years she must be so changed。” I now gently assured her that I was the person she supposed and desired me to be: and seeing that I was understood; and that her senses were quite collected; I explained how Bessie had sent her husband to fetch me from Thornfield。
“I am very ill; I know;” she said ere long。 “I was trying to turn myself a few minutes since; and find I cannot move a limb。 It is as well I should ease my mind before I die: what we think little of in health; burdens us at such an hour as the present is to me。 Is the nurse here? or is there no one in the room but you?”
I assured her we were alone。
“Well; I have twice done you a wrong which I regret now。 One was in breaking the promise which I gave my husband to bring you up as my own child; the other—” she stopped。 “After all; it is of no great importance; perhaps;” she murmured to herself: “and then I may get better; and to humble myself so to her is painful。”
She made an effort to alter her position; but failed: her face changed; she seemed to experience some inward sensation—the precursor; perhaps; of the last pang。
“Well; I must get it over。 Eternity is before me: I had better tell her。—Go to my dressing…case; open it; and take out a letter you will see there。”
I obeyed her directions。 “Read the letter;” she said。
It was short; and thus conceived:—
“Madam;—Will you have the goodness to send me the address of my niece; Jane Eyre; and to tell me how she is? It is my intention to write shortly and desire her to e to me at Madeira。 Providence has blessed my endeavours to secure a petency; and as I am unmarried and childless; I wish to adopt her during my life; and bequeath her at my death whatever I may have to leave。—I am; Madam; etc。; etc。;
“John Eyre; Madeira。”
It was dated three years back。
“Why did I never hear of this?” I asked。
“Because I disliked you too fixedly and thoroughly ever to lend a hand in lifting you to prosperity。 I could not forget your conduct to me; Jane—the fury with which you once turned on me; the tone in which you declared you abhorred me the worst of anybody in the world; the unchildlike look and voice with which you affirmed that the very thought of me made you sick; and asserted that I had treated you with miserable cruelty。 I could not forget my own sensations when you thus started up and poured out the venom of your mind: I felt fear as if an animal that I had struck or pushed had looked up at me with human eyes and cursed me in a man’s voice。— Bring me some water! Oh; make haste!”
“Dear Mrs。 Reed;” said I; as I offered her the draught she required; “think no more of all this; let it pass away from your mind。 Forgive me for my passionate language: I was a child then; eight; nine years have passed since that day。”
She heeded nothing of what I said; but when she had tasted the water and drawn breath; she went on thus—
“I tell you I could not forget it; and I took my revenge: for you to be adopted by your uncle; and placed in a state of ease and fort; was what I could not endure。 I wrote to him; I said I was sorry for his disappointment; but Jane Eyre was dead: she had died of typhus fever at Lowood。 Now act as you please: write and contradict my assertion—expose my falsehood as soon as you like。 You were born; I think; to be my torment: my last hour is racked by the recollection of a deed which; but for you; I should never have been tempted to mit。”
“If you could but be persuaded to think no more of it; aunt; and to r
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