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简爱(英文版)-第章

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 hated it the first time I set my eyes on it—a sickly; whining; pining thing! It would wail in its cradle all night long—not screaming heartily like any other child; but whimpering and moaning。 Reed pitied it; and he used to nurse it and notice it as if it had been his own: more; indeed; than he ever noticed his own at that age。 He would try to make my children friendly to the little beggar: the darlings could not bear it; and he was angry with them when they showed their dislike。 In his last illness; he had it brought continually to his bedside; and but an hour before he died; he bound me by vow to keep the creature。 I would as soon have been charged with a pauper brat out of a workhouse: but he was weak; naturally weak。 John does not at all resemble his father; and I am glad of it: John is like me and like my brothers—he is quite a Gibson。 Oh; I wish he would cease tormenting me with letters for money? I have no more money to give him: we are getting poor。 I must send away half the servants and shut up part of the house; or let it off。 I can never submit to do that—yet how are we to get on? Two…thirds of my ine goes in paying the interest of mortgages。 John gambles dreadfully; and always loses—poor boy! He is beset by sharpers: John is sunk and degraded—his look is frightful—I feel ashamed for him when I see him。”
She was getting much excited。 “I think I had better leave her now;” said I to Bessie; who stood on the other side of the bed。
“Perhaps you had; Miss: but she often talks in this way towards night—in the morning she is calmer。”
I rose。 “Stop!” exclaimed Mrs。 Reed; “there is another thing I wished to say。 He threatens me—he continually threatens me with his own death; or mine: and I dream sometimes that I see him laid out with a great wound in his throat; or with a swollen and blackened face。 I am e to a strange pass: I have heavy troubles。 What is to be done? How is the money to be had?”
Bessie now endeavoured to persuade her to take a sedative draught: she succeeded with difficulty。 Soon after; Mrs。 Reed grew more posed; and sank into a dozing state。 I then left her。
More than ten days elapsed before I had again any conversation with her。 She continued either delirious or lethargic; and the doctor forbade everything which could painfully excite her。 Meantime; I got on as well as I could with Georgiana and Eliza。 They were very cold; indeed; at first。 Eliza would sit half the day sewing; reading; or writing; and scarcely utter a word either to me or her sister。 Georgiana would chatter nonsense to her canary bird by the hour; and take no notice of me。 But I was determined not to seem at a loss for occupation or amusement: I had brought my drawing materials with me; and they served me for both。
Provided with a case of pencils; and some sheets of paper; I used to take a seat apart from them; near the window; and busy myself in sketching fancy vigtes; representing any scene that happened momentarily to shape itself in the ever…shifting kaleidoscope of imagination: a glimpse of sea between two rocks; the rising moon; and a ship crossing its disk; a group of reeds and water…flags; and a naiad’s head; crowned with lotus…flowers; rising out of them; an elf sitting in a hedge…sparrow’s nest; under a wreath of hawthorn… bloom
One morning I fell to sketching a face: what sort of a face it was to be; I did not care or know。 I took a soft black pencil; gave it a broad point; and worked away。 Soon I had traced on the paper a broad and prominent forehead and a square lower outline of visage: that contour gave me pleasure; my fingers proceeded actively to fill it with features。 Strongly…marked horizontal eyebrows must be traced under that brow; then followed; naturally; a well…defined nose; with a straight ridge and full nostrils; then a flexible… looking mouth; by no means narrow; then a firm chin; with a decided cleft down the middle of it: of course; some black whiskers were wanted; and some jetty hair; tufted on the temples; and waved above the forehead。 Now for the eyes: I had left them to the last; because they required the most careful working。 I drew them large; I shaped them well: the eyelashes I traced long and sombre; the irids lustrous and large。 “Good! but not quite the thing;” I thought; as I surveyed the effect: “they want more force and spirit;” and I wrought the shades blacker; that the lights might flash more brilliantly—a happy touch or two secured success。 There; I had a friend’s face under my gaze; and what did it signify that those young ladies turned their backs on me? I looked at it; I smiled at the speaking likeness: I was absorbed and content。
“Is that a portrait of some one you know?” asked Eliza; who had approached me unnoticed。 I responded that it was merely a fancy head; and hurried it beneath the other sheets。 Of course; I lied: it was; in fact; a very faithful representation of Mr。 Rochester。 But what was that to her; or to any one but myself? Georgiana also advanced to look。 The other drawings pleased her much; but she called that “an ugly man。” They both seemed surprised at my skill。 I offered to sketch their portraits; and each; in turn; sat for a pencil outline。 Then Georgiana produced her album。 I promised to contribute a water…colour drawing: this put her at once into good humour。 She proposed a walk in the grounds。 Before we had been out two hours; we were deep in a confidential conversation: she had favoured me with a description of the brilliant winter she had spent in London two seasons ago—of the admiration she had there excited— the attention she had received; and I even got hints of the titled conquest she had made。 In the course of the afternoon and evening these hints were enlarged on: various soft conversations were reported; and sentimental scenes represented; and; in short; a volume of a novel of fashionable life was that day improvised by her for my benefit。 The munications were renewed from day to day: they always ran on the same theme—herself; her loves; and woes。 It was strange she never once adverted either to her mother’s illness; or her brother’s death; or the present gloomy state of the family prospects。 Her mind seemed wholly taken
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