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nd laughing groups without a panion; yet not feeling lonely: when I passed the windows; I now and then lifted a blind; and looked out; it snowed fast; a drift was already forming against the lower panes; putting my ear close to the window; I could distinguish from the gleeful tumult within; the disconsolate moan of the wind outside。
Probably; if I had lately left a good home and kind parents; this would have been the hour when I should most keenly have regretted the separation; that wind would then have saddened my heart; this obscure chaos would have disturbed my peace! as it was; I derived from both a strange excitement; and reckless and feverish; I wished the wind to howl more wildly; the gloom to deepen to darkness; and the confusion to rise to clamour。
Jumping over forms; and creeping under tables; I made my way to one of the fire…places; there; kneeling by the high wire fender; I found Burns; absorbed; silent; abstracted from all round her by the panionship of a book; which she read by the dim glare of the embers。
“Is it still Rasselas?” I asked; ing behind her。
“Yes;” she said; “and I have just finished it。”
And in five minutes more she shut it up。 I was glad of this。 “Now;” thought I; “I can perhaps get her to talk。” I sat down by her on the floor。
“What is your name besides Burns?”
“Helen。”
“Do you e a long way from here?”
“I e from a place farther north; quite on the borders of Scotland。”
“Will you ever go back?”
“I hope so; but nobody can be sure of the future。”
“You must wish to leave Lowood?”
“No! why should I? I was sent to Lowood to get an education; and it would be of no use going away until I have attained that object。”
“But that teacher; Miss Scatcherd; is so cruel to you?”
“Cruel? Not at all! She is severe: she dislikes my faults。”
“And if I were in your place I should dislike her; I should resist her。 If she struck me with that rod; I should get it from her hand; I should break it under her nose。”
“Probably you would do nothing of the sort: but if you did; Mr。 Brocklehurst would expel you from the school; that would be a great grief to your relations。 It is far better to endure patiently a smart which nobody feels but yourself; than to mit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you; and besides; the Bible bids us return good for evil。”
“But then it seems disgraceful to be flogged; and to be sent to stand in the middle of a room full of people; and you are such a great girl: I am far younger than you; and I could not bear it。”
“Yet it would be your duty to bear it; if you could not avoid it: it is weak and silly to say you cannot bear what it is your fate to be required to bear。”
I heard her with wonder: I could not prehend this doctrine of endurance; and still less could I understand or sympathise with the forbearance she expressed for her chastiser。 Still I felt that Helen Burns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes。 I suspected she might be right and I wrong; but I would not ponder the matter deeply; like Felix; I put it off to a more convenient season。
“You say you have faults; Helen: what are they? To me you seem very good。”
“Then learn from me; not to judge by appearances: I am; as Miss Scatcherd said; slatternly; I seldom put; and never keep; things; in order; I am careless; I forget rules; I read when I should learn my lessons; I have no method; and sometimes I say; like you; I cannot bear to be subjected to systematic arrangements。 This is all very provoking to Miss Scatcherd; who is naturally neat; punctual; and particular。”
“And cross and cruel;” I added; but Helen Burns would not admit my addition: she kept silence。
“Is Miss Temple as severe to you as Miss Scatcherd?”
At the utterance of Miss Temple’s name; a soft smile flitted over her grave face。
“Miss Temple is full of goodness; it pains her to be severe to any one; even the worst in the school: she sees my errors; and tells me of them gently; and; if I do anything worthy of praise; she gives me my meed liberally。 One strong proof of my wretchedly defective nature is; that even her expostulations; so mild; so rational; have not influence to cure me of my faults; and even her praise; though I value it most highly; cannot stimulate me to continued care and foresight。”
“That is curious;” said I; “it is so easy to be careful。”
“For you I have no doubt it is。 I observed you in your class this morning; and saw you were closely attentive: your thoughts never seemed to wander while Miss Miller explained the lesson and questioned you。 Now; mine continually rove away; when I should be listening to Miss Scatcherd; and collecting all she says with assiduity; often I lose the very sound of her voice; I fall into a sort of dream。 Sometimes I think I am in Northumberland; and that the noises I hear round me are the bubbling of a little brook which runs through Deepden; near our house;—then; when it es to my turn to reply; I have to be awakened; and having heard nothing of what was read for listening to the visionary brook; I have no answer ready。”
“Yet how well you replied this afternoon。”
“It was mere chance; the subject on which we had been reading had interested me。 This afternoon; instead of dreaming of Deepden; I was wondering how a man who wished to do right could act so unjustly and unwisely as Charles the First sometimes did; and I thought what a pity it was that; with his integrity and conscientiousness; he could see no farther than the prerogatives of the crown。 If he had but been able to look to a distance; and see how what they call the spirit of the age was tending! Still; I like Charles—I respect him—I pity him; poor murdered king! Yes; his enemies were the worst: they shed blood they had no right to shed。 How dared they kill him!”
Helen was talking to herself now: she had forgotten I could not very well understand her—that I was ignorant; or nearly so; of the subject she discussed。 I recalled her to my level。
“And when Miss Temple teaches you; do your thoughts wander then?”
“No; certainly; not often; because Miss Temple has generally something to say which is newer than my own reflections; her languag