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r thought that while I was mourning her; she was loving another! But it is useless grieving。 Jane; leave me: go and marry Rivers。”
“Shake me off; then; sir;—push me away; for I’ll not leave you of my own accord。”
“Jane; I ever like your tone of voice: it still renews hope; it sounds so truthful。 When I hear it; it carries me back a year。 I forget that you have formed a new tie。 But I am not a fool—go—”
“Where must I go; sir?”
“Your own way—with the husband you have chosen。”
“Who is that?”
“You know—this St。 John Rivers。”
“He is not my husband; nor ever will be。 He does not love me: I do not love him。 He loves (as he can love; and that is not as you love) a beautiful young lady called Rosamond。 He wanted to marry me only because he thought I should make a suitable missionary’s wife; which she would not have done。 He is good and great; but severe; and; for me; cold as an iceberg。 He is not like you; sir: I am not happy at his side; nor near him; nor with him。 He has no indulgence for me—no fondness。 He sees nothing attractive in me; not even youth—only a few useful mental points。—Then I must leave you; sir; to go to him?”
I shuddered involuntarily; and clung instinctively closer to my blind but beloved master。 He smiled。
“What; Jane! Is this true? Is such really the state of matters between you and Rivers?”
“Absolutely; sir! Oh; you need not be jealous! I wanted to tease you a little to make you less sad: I thought anger would be better than grief。 But if you wish me to love you; could you but see how much I do love you; you would be proud and content。 All my heart is yours; sir: it belongs to you; and with you it would remain; were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence for ever。”
Again; as he kissed me; painful thoughts darkened his aspect。 “My scared vision! My crippled strength!” he murmured regretfully。
I caressed; in order to soothe him。 I knew of what he was thinking; and wanted to speak for him; but dared not。 As he turned aside his face a minute; I saw a tear slide from under the sealed eyelid; and trickle down the manly cheek。 My heart swelled。
“I am no better than the old lightning…struck chestnut…tree in Thornfield orchard;” he remarked ere long。 “And what right would that ruin have to bid a budding woodbine cover its decay with freshness?”
“You are no ruin; sir—no lightning…struck tree: you are green and vigorous。 Plants will grow about your roots; whether you ask them or not; because they take delight in your bountiful shadow; and as they grow they will lean towards you; and wind round you; because your strength offers them so safe a prop。”
Again he smiled: I gave him fort。
“You speak of friends; Jane?” he asked。
“Yes; of friends;” I answered rather hesitatingly: for I knew I meant more than friends; but could not tell what other word to employ。 He helped me。
“Ah! Jane。 But I want a wife。”
“Do you; sir?”
“Yes: is it news to you?”
“Of course: you said nothing about it before。”
“Is it unwele news?”
“That depends on circumstances; sir—on your choice。”
“Which you shall make for me; Jane。 I will abide by your decision。”
“Choose then; sir—her who loves you best。”
“I will at least choose—her i love best。 Jane; will you marry me?”
“Yes; sir。”
“A poor blind man; whom you will have to lead about by the hand?”
“Yes; sir。”
“A crippled man; twenty years older than you; whom you will have to wait on?”
“Yes; sir。”
“Truly; Jane?”
“Most truly; sir。”
“Oh! my darling! God bless you and reward you!”
“Mr。 Rochester; if ever I did a good deed in my life—if ever I thought a good thought—if ever I prayed a sincere and blameless prayer—if ever I wished a righteous wish;—I am rewarded now。 To be your wife is; for me; to be as happy as I can be on earth。”
“Because you delight in sacrifice。”
“Sacrifice! What do I sacrifice? Famine for food; expectation for content。 To be privileged to put my arms round what I value—to press my lips to what I love—to repose on what I trust: is that to make a sacrifice? If so; then certainly I delight in sacrifice。”
“And to bear with my infirmities; Jane: to overlook my deficiencies。”
“Which are none; sir; to me。 I love you better now; when I can really be useful to you; than I did in your state of proud independence; when you disdained every part but that of the giver and protector。”
“Hitherto I have hated to be helped—to be led: henceforth; I feel I shall hate it no more。 I did not like to put my hand into a hireling’s; but it is pleasant to feel it circled by Jane’s little fingers。 I preferred utter loneliness to the constant attendance of servants; but Jane’s soft ministry will be a perpetual joy。 Jane suits me: do I suit her?”
“To the finest fibre of my nature; sir。”
“The case being so; we have nothing in the world to wait for: we must be married instantly。”
He looked and spoke with eagerness: his old impetuosity was rising。
“We must bee one flesh without any delay; Jane: there is but the licence to get—then we marry。”
“Mr。 Rochester; I have just discovered the sun is far declined from its meridian; and Pilot is actually gone home to his dinner。 Let me look at your watch。”
“Fasten it into your girdle; Ja; and keep it henceforward: I have no use for it。”
“It is nearly four o’clock in the afternoon; sir。 Don’t you feel hungry?”
“The third day from this must be our wedding…day; Jane。 Never mind fine clothes and jewels; now: all that is not worth a fillip。”
“The sun has dried up all the rain…drops; sir。 The breeze is still: it is quite hot。”
“Do you know; Jane; I have your little pearl necklace at this moment fastened round my bronze scrag under my cravat? I have worn it since the day I lost my only treasure; as a memento of her。”
“We will go home through the wood: that will be the shadiest way。”
He pursued his own thoughts without heeding me。
“Jane! you think me; I daresay; an irreligious dog: but my heart swells with gratitude to the beneficent God of this earth just now。 He sees not as man sees; but far clearer: judges not as man judges; but far more wisely。 I did wrong: I would have sullied my innocent flower—breathed gui