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oregone determinations; are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot。”
I did。 Mr。 Rochester; reading my countenance; saw I had done so。 His fury was wrought to the highest: he must yield to it for a moment; whatever followed; he crossed the floor and seized my arm and grasped my waist。 He seemed to devour me with his flaming glance: physically; I felt; at the moment; powerless as stubble exposed to the draught and glow of a furnace: mentally; I still possessed my soul; and with it the certainty of ultimate safety。 The soul; fortunately; has an interpreter—often an unconscious; but still a truthful interpreter—in the eye。 My eye rose to his; and while I looked in his fierce face I gave an involuntary sigh; his gripe was painful; and my over…taxed strength almost exhausted。
“Never;” said he; as he ground his teeth; “never was anything at once so frail and so indomitable。 A mere reed she feels in my hand!” (And he shook me with the force of his hold。) “I could bend her with my finger and thumb: and what good would it do if I bent; if I uptore; if I crushed her? Consider that eye: consider the resolute; wild; free thing looking out of it; defying me; with more than courage—with a stern triumph。 Whatever I do with its cage; I cannot get at it—the savage; beautiful creature! If I tear; if I rend the slight prison; my outrage will only let the captive loose。 Conqueror I might be of the house; but the inmate would escape to heaven before I could call myself possessor of its clay dwelling… place。 And it is you; spirit—with will and energy; and virtue and purity—that I want: not alone your brittle frame。 Of yourself you could e with soft flight and nestle against my heart; if you would: seized against your will; you will elude the grasp like an essence—you will vanish ere I inhale your fragrance。 Oh! e; Jane; e!”
As he said this; he released me from his clutch; and only looked at me。 The look was far worse to resist than the frantic strain: only an idiot; however; would have succumbed now。 I had dared and baffled his fury; I must elude his sorrow: I retired to the door。
“You are going; Jane?”
“I am going; sir。”
“You are leaving me?”
“Yes。”
“You will not e? You will not be my forter; my rescuer? My deep love; my wild woe; my frantic prayer; are all nothing to you?”
What unutterable pathos was in his voice! How hard it was to reiterate firmly; “I am going。”
“Jane!”
“Mr。 Rochester!”
“Withdraw; then;—I consent; but remember; you leave me here in anguish。 Go up to your own room; think over all I have said; and; Jane; cast a glance on my sufferings—think of me。”
He turned away; he threw himself on his face on the sofa。 “Oh; Jane! my hope—my love—my life!” broke in anguish from his lips。 Then came a deep; strong sob。
I had already gained the door; but; reader; I walked back—walked back as determinedly as I had retreated。 I knelt down by him; I turned his face from the cushion to me; I kissed his cheek; I smoothed his hair with my hand。
“God bless you; my dear master!” I said。 “God keep you from harm and wrong—direct you; solace you—reward you well for your past kindness to me。”
“Little Jane’s love would have been my best reward;” he answered; “without it; my heart is broken。 But Jane will give me her love: yes—nobly; generously。”
Up the blood rushed to his face; forth flashed the fire from his eyes; erect he sprang; he held his arms out; but I evaded the embrace; and at once quitted the room。
“Farewell!” was the cry of my heart as I left him。 Despair added; “Farewell for ever!”
That night I never thought to sleep; but a slumber fell on me as soon as I lay down in bed。 I was transported in thought to the scenes of childhood: I dreamt I lay in the red…room at Gateshead; that the night was dark; and my mind impressed with strange fears。 The light that long ago had struck me into syncope; recalled in this vision; seemed glidingly to mount the wall; and tremblingly to pause in the centre of the obscured ceiling。 I lifted up my head to look: the roof resolved to clouds; high and dim; the gleam was such as the moon imparts to vapours she is about to sever。 I watched her e— watched with the strangest anticipation; as though some word of doom were to be written on her disk。 She broke forth as never moon yet burst from cloud: a hand first perated the sable folds and waved them away; then; not a moon; but a white human form shone in the azure; inclining a glorious brow earthward。 It gazed and gazed on me。 It spoke to my spirit: immeasurably distant was the tone; yet so near; it whispered in my heart—
“My daughter; flee temptation。”
“Mother; I will。”
So I answered after I had waked from the trance…like dream。 It was yet night; but July nights are short: soon after midnight; dawn es。 “It cannot be too early to mence the task I have to fulfil;” thought I。 I rose: I was dressed; for I had taken off nothing but my shoes。 I knew where to find in my drawers some linen; a locket; a ring。 In seeking these articles; I encountered the beads of a pearl necklace Mr。 Rochester had forced me to accept a few days ago。 I left that; it was not mine: it was the visionary bride’s who had melted in air。 The other articles I made up in a parcel; my purse; containing twenty shillings (it was all I had); I put in my pocket: I tied on my straw bon; pinned my shawl; took the parcel and my slippers; which I would not put on yet; and stole from my room。
“Farewell; kind Mrs。 Fairfax!” I whispered; as I glided past her door。 “Farewell; my darling Adèle!” I said; as I glanced towards the nursery。 No thought could be admitted of entering to embrace her。 I had to deceive a fine ear: for aught I knew it might now be listening。
I would have got past Mr。 Rochester’s chamber without a pause; but my heart momentarily stopping its beat at that threshold; my foot was forced to stop also。 No sleep was there: the inmate was walking restlessly from wall to wall; and again and again he sighed while I listened。 There was a heaven—a temporary heaven—in this room for me; if I chose: I had but to go in and to say—
“Mr。 Rochester; I will love you and live with you through life till death