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简爱(英文版)-第章

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there would e a knot and a puzzle: here it is。 Now for vexation; and exasperation; and endless trouble! By God! I long to exert a fraction of Samson’s strength; and break the entanglement like tow!”
He remenced his walk; but soon again stopped; and this time just before me。
“Jane! will you hear reason?” (he stooped and approached his lips to my ear); “because; if you won’t; I’ll try violence。” His voice was hoarse; his look that of a man who is just about to burst an insufferable bond and plunge headlong into wild license。 I saw that in another moment; and with one impetus of frenzy more; I should be able to do nothing with him。 The present—the passing second of time—was all I had in which to control and restrain him—a movement of repulsion; flight; fear would have sealed my doom;—and his。 But I was not afraid: not in the least。 I felt an inward power; a sense of influence; which supported me。 The crisis was perilous; but not without its charm: such as the Indian; perhaps; feels when he slips over the rapid in his canoe。 I took hold of his clenched hand; loosened the contorted fingers; and said to him; soothingly—
“Sit down; I’ll talk to you as long as you like; and hear all you have to say; whether reasonable or unreasonable。”
He sat down: but he did not get leave to speak directly。 I had been struggling with tears for some time: I had taken great pains to repress them; because I knew he would not like to see me weep。 Now; however; I considered it well to let them flow as freely and as long as they liked。 If the flood annoyed him; so much the better。 So I gave way and cried heartily。
Soon I heard him earnestly entreating me to be posed。 I said I could not while he was in such a passion。
“But I am not angry; Jane: I only love you too well; and you had steeled your little pale face with such a resolute; frozen look; I could not endure it。 Hush; now; and wipe your eyes。”
His softened voice announced that he was subdued; so I; in my turn; became calm。 Now he made an effort to rest his head on my shoulder; but I would not permit it。 Then he would draw me to him: no。
“Jane! Jane!” he said; in such an accent of bitter sadness it thrilled along every nerve I had; “you don’t love me; then? It was only my station; and the rank of my wife; that you valued? Now that you think me disqualified to bee your husband; you recoil from my touch as if I were some toad or ape。”
These words cut me: yet what could I do or I say? I ought probably to have done or said nothing; but I was so tortured by a sense of remorse at thus hurting his feelings; I could not control the wish to drop balm where I had wounded。
“I do love you;” I said; “more than ever: but I must not show or indulge the feeling: and this is the last time I must express it。”
“The last time; Jane! What! do you think you can live with me; and see me daily; and yet; if you still love me; be always cold and distant?”
“No; sir; that I am certain I could not; and therefore I see there is but one way: but you will be furious if I mention it。”
“Oh; mention it! If I storm; you have the art of weeping。”
“Mr。 Rochester; I must leave you。”
“For how long; Jane? For a few minutes; while you smooth your hair—which is somewhat dishevelled; and bathe your face—which looks feverish?”
“I must leave Adèle and Thornfield。 I must part with you for my whole life: I must begin a new existence among strange faces and strange scenes。”
“Of course: I told you you should。 I pass over the madness about parting from me。 You mean you must bee a part of me。 As to the new existence; it is all right: you shall yet be my wife: I am not married。 You shall be Mrs。 Rochester—both virtually and nominally。 I shall keep only to you so long as you and I live。 You shall go to a place I have in the south of France: a whitewashed villa on the shores of the Mediterranean。 There you shall live a happy; and guarded; and most innocent life。 Never fear that I wish to lure you into error—to make you my mistress。 Why did you shake your head? Jane; you must be reasonable; or in truth I shall again bee frantic。”
His voice and hand quivered: his large nostrils dilated; his eye blazed: still I dared to speak。
“Sir; your wife is living: that is a fact acknowledged this morning by yourself。 If I lived with you as you desire; I should then be your mistress: to say otherwise is sophistical—is false。”
“Jane; I am not a gentle…tempered man—you forget that: I am not long…enduring; I am not cool and dispassionate。 Out of pity to me and yourself; put your finger on my pulse; feel how it throbs; and— beware!”
He bared his wrist; and offered it to me: the blood was forsaking his cheek and lips; they were growing livid; I was distressed on all hands。 To agitate him thus deeply; by a resistance he so abhorred; was cruel: to yield was out of the question。 I did what human beings do instinctively when they are driven to utter extremity— looked for aid to one higher than man: the words “God help me!” burst involuntarily from my lips。
“I am a fool!” cried Mr。 Rochester suddenly。 “I keep telling her I am not married; and do not explain to her why。 I forget she knows nothing of the character of that woman; or of the circumstances attending my infernal union with her。 Oh; I am certain Jane will agree with me in opinion; when she knows all that I know! Just put your hand in mine; Ja—that I may have the evidence of touch as well as sight; to prove you are near me—and I will in a few words show you the real state of the case。 Can you listen to me
“Yes; sir; for hours if you will。”
“I ask only minutes。 Jane; did you ever hear or know at I was not the eldest son of my house: that I had once a brother older than I?”
“I remember Mrs。 Fairfax told me so once。”
“And did you ever hear that my father was an avaricious; grasping man?”
“I have understood something to that effect。”
“Well; Jane; being so; it was his resolution to keep the property together; he could not bear the idea of dividing his estate and leaving me a fair portion: all; he resolved; should go to my brother; Rowland。 Yet as little could he endure that a son of his should be a poor man。 I must be provided fo
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