按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
r breath; in the second place; you cannot yet accustom yourself to accuse and revile me; and besides; the flood…gates of tears are opened; and they would rush out if you spoke much; and you have no desire to expostulate; to upbraid; to make a scene: you are thinking how to act—talking you consider is of no use。 I know you—I am on my guard。”
“Sir; I do not wish to act against you;” I said; and my unsteady voice warned me to curtail my sentence。
“Not in your sense of the word; but in mine you are scheming to destroy me。 You have as good as said that I am a married man—as a married man you will shun me; keep out of my way: just now you have refused to kiss me。 You intend to make yourself a plete stranger to me: to live under this roof only as Adèle’s governess; if ever I say a friendly word to you; if ever a friendly feeling inclines you again to me; you will say;—‘That man had nearly made me his mistress: I must be ice and rock to him;’ and ice and rock you will accordingly bee。”
I cleared and steadied my voice to reply: “All is changed about me; sir; I must change too—there is no doubt of that; and to avoid fluctuations of feeling; and continual bats with recollections and associations; there is only one way—Adèle must have a new governess; sir。”
“Oh; Adèle will go to school—I have settled that already; nor do I mean to torment you with the hideous associations and recollections of Thornfield Hall—this accursed place—this tent of Achan—this insolent vault; offering the ghastliness of living death to the light of the open sky—this narrow stone hell; with its one real fiend; worse than a legion of such as we imagine。 Jane; you shall not stay here; nor will I。 I was wrong ever to bring you to Thornfield Hall; knowing as I did how it was haunted。 I charged them to conceal from you; before I ever saw you; all knowledge of the curse of the place; merely because I feared Adèle never would have a governess to stay if she knew with what inmate she was housed; and my plans would not permit me to remove the maniac elsewhere—though I possess an old house; Ferndean Manor; even more retired and hidden than this; where I could have lodged her safely enough; had not a scruple about the unhealthiness of the situation; in the heart of a wood; made my conscience recoil from the arrangement。 Probably those damp walls would soon have eased me of her charge: but to each villain his own vice; and mine is not a tendency to indirect assassination; even of what I most hate。
“Concealing the mad…woman’s neighbourhood from you; however; was something like covering a child with a cloak and laying it down near a upas…tree: that demon’s vicinage is poisoned; and always was。 But I’ll shut up Thornfield Hall: I’ll nail up the front door and board the lower windows: I’ll give Mrs。 Poole two hundred a year to live here with my wife; as you term that fearful hag: Grace will do much for money; and she shall have her son; the keeper at Grimsby Retreat; to bear her pany and be at hand to give her aid in the paroxysms; when my wife is prompted by her familiar to burn people in their beds at night; to stab them; to bite their flesh from their bones; and so on—”
“Sir;” I interrupted him; “you are inexorable for that unfortunate lady: you speak of her with hate—with vindictive antipathy。 It is cruel—she cannot help being mad。”
“Jane; my little darling (so I will call you; for so you are); you don’t know what you are talking about; you misjudge me again: it is not because she is mad I hate her。 If you were mad; do you think I should hate you?”
“I do indeed; sir。”
“Then you are mistaken; and you know nothing about me; and nothing about the sort of love of which I am capable。 Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear。 Your mind is my treasure; and if it were broken; it would be my treasure still: if you raved; my arms should confine you; and not a strait waistcoat—your grasp; even in fury; would have a charm for me: if you flew at me as wildly as that woman did this morning; I should receive you in an embrace; at least as fond as it would be restrictive。 I should not shrink from you with disgust as I did from her: in your quiet moments you should have no watcher and no nurse but me; and I could hang over you with untiring tenderness; though you gave me no smile in return; and never weary of gazing into your eyes; though they had no longer a ray of recognition for me。—But why do I follow that train of ideas? I was talking of removing you from Thornfield。 All; you know; is prepared for prompt departure: to…morrow you shall go。 I only ask you to endure one more night under this roof; Jane; and then; farewell to its miseries and terrors for ever! I have a place to repair to; which will be a secure sanctuary from hateful reminiscences; from unwele intrusion—even from falsehood and slander。”
“And take Adèle with you; sir;” I interrupted; “she will be a panion for you。”
“What do you mean; Jane? I told you I would send Adèle to school; and what do I want with a child for a panion; and not my own child;—a French dancer’s bastard? Why do you importune me about her! I say; why do you assign Adèle to me for a panion?”
“You spoke of a retirement; sir; and retirement and solitude are dull: too dull for you。”
“Solitude! solitude!” he reiterated with irritation。 “I see I must e to an explanation。 I don’t know what sphynx…like expression is forming in your countenance。 You are to share my solitude。 Do you understand?”
I shook my head: it required a degree of courage; excited as he was being; even to risk that mute sign of dissent。 He had been walking fast about the room; and he stopped; as if suddenly rooted to one spot。 He looked at me long and hard: I turned my eyes from him; fixed them on the fire; and tried to assume and maintain a quiet; collected aspect。
“Now for the hitch in Jane’s character;” he said at last; speaking more calmly than from his look I had expected him to speak。 “The reel of silk has run smoothly enough so far; but I always knew there would e a knot and a puzzle: here it is。 Now for vexation; and exasperation; and endless troub