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doubtless; in producing that restless; excited mood which hurried me forth at this late hour into the darkening grounds: but a third cause influenced my mind more than they。
I had at heart a strange and anxious thought。 Something had happened which I could not prehend; no one knew of or had seen the event but myself: it had taken place the preceding night。 Mr。 Rochester that night was absent from home; nor was he yet returned: business had called him to a small estate of two or three farms he possessed thirty miles off—business it was requisite he should settle in person; previous to his meditated departure from England。 I waited now his return; eager to disburthen my mind; and to seek of him the solution of the enigma that perplexed me。 Stay till he es; reader; and; when I disclose my secret to him; you shall share the confidence。
I sought the orchard; driven to its shelter by the wind; which all day had blown strong and full from the south; without; however; bringing a speck of rain。 Instead of subsiding as night drew on; it seemed to augment its rush and deepen its roar: the trees blew steadfastly one way; never writhing round; and scarcely tossing back their boughs once in an hour; so continuous was the strain bending their branchy heads northward—the clouds drifted from pole to pole; fast following; mass on mass: no glimpse of blue sky had been visible that July day。
It was not without a certain wild pleasure I ran before the wind; delivering my trouble of mind to the measureless air…torrent thundering through space。 Descending the laurel walk; I faced the wreck of the chestnut…tree; it stood up black and riven: the trunk; split down the centre; gasped ghastly。 The cloven halves were not broken from each other; for the firm base and strong roots kept them unsundered below; though munity of vitality was destroyed—the sap could flow no more: their great boughs on each side were dead; and next winter’s tempests would be sure to fell one or both to earth: as yet; however; they might be said to form one tree—a ruin; but an entire ruin。
“You did right to hold fast to each other;” I said: as if the monster…splinters were living things; and could hear me。 “I think; scathed as you look; and charred and scorched; there must be a little sense of life in you yet; rising out of that adhesion at the faithful; honest roots: you will never have green leaves more— never more see birds making nests and singing idyls in your boughs; the time of pleasure and love is over with you: but you are not desolate: each of you has a rade to sympathise with him in his decay。” As I looked up at them; the moon appeared momentarily in that part of the sky which filled their fissure; her disk was blood… red and half overcast; she seemed to throw on me one bewildered; dreary glance; and buried herself again instantly in the deep drift of cloud。 The wind fell; for a second; round Thornfield; but far away over wood and water; poured a wild; melancholy wail: it was sad to listen to; and I ran off again。
Here and there I strayed through the orchard; gathered up the apples with which the grass round the tree roots was thickly strewn; then I employed myself in dividing the ripe from the unripe; I carried them into the house and put them away in the store…room。 Then I repaired to the library to ascertain whether the fire was lit; for; though summer; I knew on such a gloomy evening Mr。 Rochester would like to see a cheerful hearth when he came in: yes; the fire had been kindled some time; and burnt well。 I placed his arm…chair by the chimney…corner: I wheeled the table near it: I let down the curtain; and had the candles brought in ready for lighting。 More restless than ever; when I had pleted these arrangements I could not sit still; nor even remain in the house: a little time…piece in the room and the old clock in the hall simultaneously struck ten。
“How late it grows!” I said。 “I will run down to the gates: it is moonlight at intervals; I can see a good way on the road。 He may be ing now; and to meet him will save some minutes of suspense。”
The wind roared high in the great trees which embowered the gates; but the road as far as I could see; to the right hand and the left; was all still and solitary: save for the shadows of clouds crossing it at intervals as the moon looked out; it was but a long pale line; unvaried by one moving speck。
A puerile tear dimmed my eye while I looked—a tear of disappointment and impatience; ashamed of it; I wiped it away。 I lingered; the moon shut herself wholly within her chamber; and drew close her curtain of dense cloud: the night grew dark; rain came driving fast on the gale。
“I wish he would e! I wish he would e!” I exclaimed; seized with hypochondriac foreboding。 I had expected his arrival before tea; now it was dark: what could keep him? Had an accident happened? The event of last night again recurred to me。 I interpreted it as a warning of disaster。 I feared my hopes were too bright to be realised; and I had enjoyed so much bliss lately that I imagined my fortune had passed its meridian; and must now decline。
“Well; I cannot return to the house;” I thought; “I cannot sit by the fireside; while he is abroad in inclement weather: better tire my limbs than strain my heart; I will go forward and meet him。”
I set out; I walked fast; but not far: ere I had measured a quarter of a mile; I heard the tramp of hoofs; a horseman came on; full gallop; a dog ran by his side。 Away with evil presentiment! It was he: here he was; mounted on Mesrour; followed by Pilot。 He saw me; for the moon had opened a blue field in the sky; and rode in it watery bright: he took his hat off; and waved it round his head。 I now ran to meet him。
“There!” he exclaimed; as he stretched out his hand and bent from the saddle: “You can’t do without me; that is evident。 Step on my boot…toe; give me both hands: mount!”
I obeyed: joy made me agile: I sprang up before him。 A hearty kissing I got for a wele; and some boastful triumph; which I swallowed as well as I could。 He checked himself in his exultation to demand; “But is there anything the matter; Ja; that you e to meet me at such an hour? Is there anything wrong?”
“No