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〃Where did they go？〃 I mumbled。
He stared at me。 〃Didn't Edward tell you？〃
I shook my head； recoiling。 The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me—a
pain that knocked me breathless； astonished me with its force。
Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered。 〃Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles。 I
guess they threw a lot of money at him。〃
Sunny L。A。 The last place they would really go。 I remembered my nightmare with the mirror… the bright
sunlight shimmering off of his skin—
Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face。
〃I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods；〃 Charlie insisted。
His name sent another wave of torture through me。 I shook my head； frantic； desperate to escape the
pain。 〃It was my fault。 He left me right here on the trail； in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him。〃
Charlie started to say something； childishly； I covered my ears。 〃I can't talk about this anymore； Dad。 I
want to go to my room。〃
Before he could answer； I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs。
Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie； a note that would lead him to find me。 From
the minute that I'd realized this； a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head。 I rushed to my room；
shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed。
Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it。 I pressed down on the top of the CD player。 The latch
unhooked； and the lid slowly swung open。
It was empty。
The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed； just where I'd put it last。 I lifted the cover
with a shaking hand。
I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page。 The little metal corners no longer held a picture in
place。 The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom： Edward Cullen；
Charlie's kitchen； Sept。 13th。
I stopped there。 I was sure that he would have been very thorough。
It will be as if I'd never existed； he'd promised me。
I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees； and then the palms of my hands； and then it was
pressed against the skin of my cheek。 I hoped that I was fainting； but； to my disappointment； I didn't lose
consciousness。 The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed
over my head； pulling me under。
I did not resurface。
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
JANUARY
4。 WAKING UP
TIME PASSES。 EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE。 EVEN when each tick of the second hand
aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise。 It passes unevenly； in strange lurches and dragging lulls； but
pass it does。 Even for me。
CHARLIE'S FIST CAME DOWN ON THE TABLE。 〃THAT'S IT； Bella！ I'm sending you home。〃
I looked up from my cereal； which I was pondering rather than eating； and stared at Charlie in shock。 I
hadn't been following the conversation—actually； I hadn't been aware that we were having a
conversation—and I wasn't sure what he meant。
〃I am home；〃 I mumbled； confused。
〃I'm sending you to Renee； to Jacksonville；〃 he clarified。
Charlie watched with exasperation as I slowly grasped the meaning of his words。
〃What did I do？〃 I felt my face crumple。 It was so unfair。 My behavior had been above reproach for the
past four months。 After that first week； which neither of us ever mentioned； I hadn't missed a day of
school or work。 My grades were perfect。 I never broke curfew—I never went anywhere from which to
break curfew in the first place。 I only very rarely served leftovers。
Charlie was scowling。
〃You didn't do anything。 That's the problem。 You never do anything。〃
〃You want me to get into trouble？〃 I wondered； my eyebrows pulling together in mystification。 I made an
effort to pay attention。 It wasn't easy。 I was so used to tuning everything out； my ears felt stopped up。
〃Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time！〃
That stung a bit。 I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness； moping included。
〃I am not moping around。〃
〃Wrong word；〃 he grudgingly conceded。 〃Moping would be better—that would be doing something。
You're just… lifeless； Bella。 I think that's the word I want。〃
This accusation struck home。 I sighed and tried to put some animation into my response。
〃I'm sorry； Dad。〃 My apology sounded a little flat； even to me。 I'd thought I'd been fooling him。 Keeping
Charlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort。 How depressing to think that the effort had
been wasted。
〃I don't want you to apologize。〃
I sighed。 〃Then tell me what you do want me to do。〃
〃Bella；〃 he hesitated； scrutinizing my reaction to his next words。 〃Honey； you're not the first person to go
through this kind of thing； you know。〃
〃I know that。〃 My acpanying grimace was limp and unimpressive。
〃Listen； honey。 I think that—that maybe you need some help。〃
〃Help？〃
He paused； searching for the words again。 〃When your mother left；〃 he began； frowning； 〃and took you
with her。〃 He inhaled deeply。 〃Well； that was a really bad time for me。〃
〃I know； Dad；〃 I mumbled。
〃But I handled it；〃 he pointed out。 〃Honey； you're not handling it。 I waited； I hoped it would get better。〃
He stared at me and I looked down quickly。 〃I think we both know it's not getting better。〃
〃I'mfine。〃
He ignored me。 〃Maybe； well； maybe if you talked to someone about it。 A professional。〃
〃You want me to see a shrink？〃 My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at。
〃Maybe it would help。〃
〃And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit。〃
I didn't know much about psychoanalysis； but I was pretty sure that it didn't work unless the subject was
relatively honest。 Sure； I could tell the truth—if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell。
He examined my obstinate expression； and switched to another line of attack。
〃It's beyond me； Bella。 Maybe your mother—〃
〃Look；〃 I said in a flat voice。 〃I'll go out tonight； if you want。